How hard is it?

How hard is finding a job? How hard is changing your career?

Warning, today I feel like letting out the angst of the past few months…

Well VERY! And then make sure you add in all the other hard things going on in life…..

It’s hard being an unemployed woman trying to plan and execute a wedding. It is hard to be that same person and stay optimistic at the happiest time in your life being marred by being traumatized at losing your job.  It’s hard not to walk around extremely angry and bitter and pissed off all the time. It’s hard to think that after 18 years of working for the same company, where they always told us all how much of a FAMILY we were, that my phone and email were shut off before I even got the call that I was let go. And that I only got 4 weeks of severance after 18 years. That’s a family I am glad not to be a part of anymore! It’s hard that I never got a chance to say goodbye to the people who were supportive there before I left.

Hard is being a stepmother before you are actually married. Hard is raising someone else’s children. Hard is being criticized for doing just that. Harder is getting stuck doing all the crap work when the glory goes to the real mom. Hardest still is being a childless stepmother and trying to work through it, all while being unemployed.

It is very hard to lose your job and even harder to have a couple of part-time  jobs instead and keep juggling all the balls up in the air. It’s hard not to want to scream while you are in the middle of this. Harder still sometimes to sleep at night. Hard as hell some mornings to motivate to get up. Hard to have to fill out all those job applications, attach all those resumes, write all those cover letters and then not hear a word. Hard hard hard to not want to demand that someone, anyone, just take a moment to let you know that even though your resume is great, 400 people filled out that same application, sent a resume and wrote a cover letter for that one position,  and that yours will probably never even get read. Hard to keep your dignity and your chin up.

Hard is biting your tongue when people say they can’t imagine how you don’t have a job yet. Biting your tongue because it’s hard not to cry. It’s very hard when someone who already had a job gets another job before you do. Hard not to want to punch them out!

All very HARD! Doing them all at the same time, nearly impossible to bear sometimes. Almost as hard as trying not to drive into every McDonald’s you pass and drowning your sorrows in a delicious McFrappe!

But then….you even out and it, yes, gets EASIER.

Each day, after you have hit what you think is your lowest low, it starts looking up. It gets easier. You realize it’s not as hard as you thought it would be to let go of that old job and all the old problems that go with it go. It gets easier to think about reinvention. Easier still to throw caution to the wind and think about all the other and sometimes better things you can do now. I wouldn’t call it EASY just yet, but definitely EASIER.

There is a reason that Staples sells the easy button. Life would be a lot smoother if we all had one that worked.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jennifer
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 02:59:05

    Been there, done that! Glad you finally got out that anger….after being unemployed with you I thought I was crazy to be soooooo mad. The sun will shine again, the door may have been closed but a window will soon be opened and you will climb thru and be the inspiration, creative person you are meant to be….hang in there!


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